Last Friday was a low point. We were all so heartbroken, and were whisked away to the magic land of central New Hampshire for revitalization. This week has been by far the best week we've had yet. I've been enjoying the heck out of all three kids, really getting into hanging out with them.
I called Jill's school today. She's going to an alternative high school where they work half days in the classroom and then can work independently at home using an online curriculum. I have to say, I'm kind of impressed. The staff person I talked to today said all the right things. They have a high graduation rate, a caring staff, and are used to working with kids who are emotional and have issues with authority. Apparently all the staff really like Jill. She mentioned today that staff that she's never talked to have stopped her in the halls to ask how she's doing. It's encouraging to me to hear her talk about wanting to be a studious person again. Before things went sour for them, she was a straight-A student and loved school. I'm starting to see that come about again. We've been talking about trying to set up some college visits in the Spring.
And she told me with great pride that she got 100% on the history test she took the other day. Apparently my hour-long synopsis of the Civil War was a great help to her in taking that test.
Grace's school is also giving me reason to be optimistic. In a school district beleaguered by massive budget cuts and endless stories about how horrible the outlook is for everyone, they seem to have a Special Education director who is earning her paycheck (and a few other people's paychecks, truth be told). Tonight Grace sat down and actually did her homework. She complained the whole time, but it's done and ready to be handed in.
Grace's story from last school year is especially bad. She has an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) that calls for emotional support in the classroom as well as remedial work in core subjects. She's clearly intelligent enough, but she's been moved so many times that her special education services have been severely disrupted. Her reading level is at least 4 grade levels behind right now. Last year, when going to The School From Hell (TSFH for short), she was inexplicably placed in a classroom that is designed for students who are not likely to ever be able to be gainfully employed because of their mental and emotional disabilities.
This has only added to her already pretty significant trauma around school and institutions. She is convinced that she's stupid, and that she's good for nothing but getting on welfare and SSI. Though her school is being supportive, they were not able to count any credits from last year since her classes consisted of things like "wear clean clothes". She basically spent a year languishing in this crappy classroom. Now she's re-entering school as a freshman, which is always demoralizing.
At TSFH, the staff often provoked or otherwise exacerbated her attitude. There was a lot of yelling and belligerency, but it seems that is not the culture at her new school. TSFH was also over an hour away, and the new one is all of 4 blocks. These things all add up to a significant improvement.
This week has been awesome, but I am sort of bracing myself for the inevitable blow up. Eventually they will both be fed up, too tired to get up, pissed about some element of the program or otherwise unwilling to go to school/do homework, etc. I hope that Leonard and I can keep our cool and weather the storm.
The other thing causing me some cautious optimism is the renewed buy-in that they seem to have with us. After court on Friday I was worried that they would explode on us, but it seems the road trip did some great therapeutic work there. I can't wait for us to be able to buy a car so we can take these road trips whenever we need to. There are so many places we want to take them, and so man places they want to go.
All of us are pretty excited about the home improvement projects that are finally underway. To get the bikes out of the house and improve the counter space/layout of the kitchen will be like dreams come true. And next summer- bbq on the deck!
Right now we're on an upswing. I hope and pray and want it to last as long as possible.
Showing posts with label special education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label special education. Show all posts
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
First day of school
It is with great trepidation that we sent the girls off to the first day of school today. They are both starting new schools, which is always a scary thing, and they're both facing some big hurdles.
We left Philly on Friday immediately after court on Friday, and that may have been the best thing for all of us. We went to a dear friend's wedding in the rolling green hills of New Hampshire where we were surrounded by happy, healthy, supportive people in a really gorgeous environment. I half expected the girls to spend the whole time on their phones and laptop bu i was pleasantly surprised to look out the window Saturday morning and see them playing Risk with a friend of mine and a cherubic 7 year old. They even seemed to be having fun, and have started knitting and crocheting lessons with me. Grace astutely figured out that if she knits in class, she may have an easier time following what the teacher is saying. I'm hopeful that I can convince her teacher of that.
Grace was hyper on the way up. This was overheard going towards the tappan zee bridge:
G: daym! Look at that jint!
.
There was a lot of fun had, including board games, swimming in the river, petting a donklet and dancing to accordion music in a barn. They even stayed in a tent for the first time!
We all talked on the way home about revising the allowance structure. Currently there is a set maximum, which is pretty low, and they lose money if they don't accomplish certain tasks. The structure we're proposing has a pretty low base minimum, and then they add to that by performing certain tasks. The way we envision it, if they make it to school everyday and do their chores, they'll be able to make about twice as much weekly as they do now. We're going to all think on it, decide what things we want to see worked in as incentives, and try to solidify the structure this week.
We all had a blast with the developmental leap that Ziggy made over the weekend as well. He is now clearly asking for things he wants (apples, water, nursing) rather than just pointing and yelling. In the car both ways he had so much fun hanging out with the girls, playing with them, giggling and them and enjoying himself. We joke about getting him registered as a therapy baby. He earned his keep for sure.
Apparently the Philadelphia School District put Grace into a regular classroom today instead of in the self-contained room that she has been in since 3rd grade. And so the endless battling for a decent education begins…
Last night we saw a major breakthrough with Grace. On her way down into the basement she knocked over a bag of powdered cleaning agent that was on the stairs. This was at around 10 the night before the first day of school after we had spent the day in the car travelling. No one was happy about it. But she picked up the broom, and then the shop vac, and she gamely tried to clean it up. Leonard came down and helped her, and it was mostly taken care of in about 30 minutes. This might seem like nothing too exciting, but the Grace we had in the house 3 months ago would have immediately started cursing and yelling as soon as anyone said anything to her about it. She would have stormed off, not only not helping, but stressing out as many people as she could in the process.
It’s the little victories you learn to celebrate.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Today is the first day of the rest of our family
Tonight I finally got some time in the "Quiet Room". The baby is asleep, the girls are doing their own thing, Leonard's out with friends. I kept remembering things I needed like my glass of water, the computer cord, etc. I finally got in the room.
I put my water on the table, plugged the fan in, sat down on the recliner. No sooner had my back touched the chair than I heard Jill calling my name
"Kitttyyyyyyyy"
"Yes honey"
"Kitty, look. I found more of my books."
"That's great. Are these library books or books you're planning to read?"
"Ima read these when I'm done with the other two. But look, see?" She fanned them out for me to see. Yup, they're books. Romeo and Juliet, To Kill a Mockingbird and Speak. An average High School reading list.
"That's great, hon. I'm glad you found them. Now I'm going to have a little time in here, ok?"
"Ok Kitty. But you know that if the curtain is open even a little bit it's o.k. to come in and talk to you, right?"
I didn't know that. Good to know.
It's been over a week since I've had time alone in our crowded little house. It's a typical three bedroom row home, but downscaled to be around 1,000 square feet. When we decided to become foster parents, we envisioned some younger teens sharing the space in the back room, probably on a respite basis at first and then maybe working towards permanent placement. We imagined that we'd do respite for a while, and then take on the full time gig, and then work our way up to adoption.
That didn't happen. There is some background at this page: youcaring.com/fosterfamilyinneed. It feels very strange trying to do a fundraising campaign for our family. We generally don't ask for help, sometimes to a fault. But now that we have the girls to take care of, it's clear that we need more help than we thought we would.
It really is different being a foster parent vs. being a biological parent, especially when you bring a kid into your family who's essentially already a fully grown human. Jill is 17 and Grace is 15. They've lived in more homes than they can list, and each been to over 10 schools.
Schooling is what's on my mind these days. The superintendent just announced that unless $50 million shows up by the end of the day tomorrow, they won't be able to open Philadelphia schools on time. That's crazy making. See, with our son we have the luxury to take some time in the decision making process. We can work on him with early literacy, make sure we're reading to him, make sure he's being talked to using big words all the time. We can take him to enriching museums and events, get him science kits if he's interested in them or toy kitchens or whatever. We can encourage his brain to think and analyze. We can plan whether he'll go to a charter school or a homeschool, or even a private school. We have that luxury.
With Jill and Grace we absolutely do not have that luxury. Every time a kid moves schools, they loose approximately 6 months of education. They are both functioning way below their age, and one of them is dragging around a woefully outdated IEP to boot. Neither one of them can handle adversity very well. The slightest bit of bad news can spark a days long thunderstorm of moodiness and anger. But now that the schools are slated to open late and understaffed, we have to make some decisions. Leonard will be taking two classes, and otherwise will be home with the baby. But he's got his own schoolwork to manage, not to mention caring for the baby. Does he have time and tools to tutor and work with two kids who need extreme academic support? Probably not. I teach all day, and really would rather not come home to a second shift. Wouldn't it be nice to have a place where they could go and be taught by people who are trained to do this, in rooms full of other kids who are also learning the same things? Oh, right.
I just saw this article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324823804579014773649474290.html
So our broke as a joke city is going to divert the funding into the schools so they can open with a skeleton staff "on time". I never thought of myself as the kind of person who would flee the city to the 'burbs. But the Philadelphia schools have been under State control since 2001, since before these girls were going to school. And if I know PSD hasn't been able to educate them thus far, how am I to trust that they can fix the mess they've made in the next few years? Nope. We gotta get to a better school district. One more thing to worry about.
The good news is that the grey hair is all coming in in one spot. If I'm lucky, I'll get a nice Bride of Frankenstein look going on...
I put my water on the table, plugged the fan in, sat down on the recliner. No sooner had my back touched the chair than I heard Jill calling my name
"Kitttyyyyyyyy"
"Yes honey"
"Kitty, look. I found more of my books."
"That's great. Are these library books or books you're planning to read?"
"Ima read these when I'm done with the other two. But look, see?" She fanned them out for me to see. Yup, they're books. Romeo and Juliet, To Kill a Mockingbird and Speak. An average High School reading list.
"That's great, hon. I'm glad you found them. Now I'm going to have a little time in here, ok?"
"Ok Kitty. But you know that if the curtain is open even a little bit it's o.k. to come in and talk to you, right?"
I didn't know that. Good to know.
It's been over a week since I've had time alone in our crowded little house. It's a typical three bedroom row home, but downscaled to be around 1,000 square feet. When we decided to become foster parents, we envisioned some younger teens sharing the space in the back room, probably on a respite basis at first and then maybe working towards permanent placement. We imagined that we'd do respite for a while, and then take on the full time gig, and then work our way up to adoption.
That didn't happen. There is some background at this page: youcaring.com/fosterfamilyinneed. It feels very strange trying to do a fundraising campaign for our family. We generally don't ask for help, sometimes to a fault. But now that we have the girls to take care of, it's clear that we need more help than we thought we would.
It really is different being a foster parent vs. being a biological parent, especially when you bring a kid into your family who's essentially already a fully grown human. Jill is 17 and Grace is 15. They've lived in more homes than they can list, and each been to over 10 schools.
Schooling is what's on my mind these days. The superintendent just announced that unless $50 million shows up by the end of the day tomorrow, they won't be able to open Philadelphia schools on time. That's crazy making. See, with our son we have the luxury to take some time in the decision making process. We can work on him with early literacy, make sure we're reading to him, make sure he's being talked to using big words all the time. We can take him to enriching museums and events, get him science kits if he's interested in them or toy kitchens or whatever. We can encourage his brain to think and analyze. We can plan whether he'll go to a charter school or a homeschool, or even a private school. We have that luxury.
With Jill and Grace we absolutely do not have that luxury. Every time a kid moves schools, they loose approximately 6 months of education. They are both functioning way below their age, and one of them is dragging around a woefully outdated IEP to boot. Neither one of them can handle adversity very well. The slightest bit of bad news can spark a days long thunderstorm of moodiness and anger. But now that the schools are slated to open late and understaffed, we have to make some decisions. Leonard will be taking two classes, and otherwise will be home with the baby. But he's got his own schoolwork to manage, not to mention caring for the baby. Does he have time and tools to tutor and work with two kids who need extreme academic support? Probably not. I teach all day, and really would rather not come home to a second shift. Wouldn't it be nice to have a place where they could go and be taught by people who are trained to do this, in rooms full of other kids who are also learning the same things? Oh, right.
I just saw this article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324823804579014773649474290.html
So our broke as a joke city is going to divert the funding into the schools so they can open with a skeleton staff "on time". I never thought of myself as the kind of person who would flee the city to the 'burbs. But the Philadelphia schools have been under State control since 2001, since before these girls were going to school. And if I know PSD hasn't been able to educate them thus far, how am I to trust that they can fix the mess they've made in the next few years? Nope. We gotta get to a better school district. One more thing to worry about.
The good news is that the grey hair is all coming in in one spot. If I'm lucky, I'll get a nice Bride of Frankenstein look going on...
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